Laila: Impeccable words and humor

What happens when your humor dabbles in the unimpeccable? Tricky.  And what if some of your friendships have that humor as a connector?  Very tricky.  Today I listened to a friend tell me about an evening out and a group of women he observed. A friend who was out to dinner with him referred to the women as "the real housewives of some white trash town" - I laughed, because it was funny, as was the story leading up to the comment. But I felt a little weird for laughing because of my new commitment. Of course I didn't know these women, so I wasn't laughing at someone I knew. (Insert big sigh here.)  My humor certainly has less of an edge to it then when I was in my 20's, or even my 30's for that matter when reading websites like suck.com would bring me to tears from laughing so hard. But every now and then it sneaks up on me in those bonding moments with others. And I don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable by not responding to something they say in the manner they might have come to expect, that wouldn't be nice would it?  To borrow a line from the movie What About Bob, I choose baby steps!

The Four Agreement Challenge!

The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, is a book which outlines four basic ‘ways of being’ from the ancient Toltec.  The Toltec is a body of knowledge and wisdom which has been passed on through generations of naguals, or shaman, in rural Mexico.  Ruiz describes the Toltec this way: “Though it is not a religion, it honors all the spiritual masters who have taught on the earth.  While it does embrace spirit, it is most accurately described as a way of life, distinguished by the ready accessibility of happiness and love.”

These four ‘ways of being’, or Four Agreements, are outlined by Ruiz as follows:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best

We found these concepts compelling, and decided to take on the Four Agreements while training for the Knoxville half marathon in the Winter of 2011.  After all, who wouldn’t want to try for the “ready accessibility of happiness and love”?    We decided to spend a week on each one, reading the pertinent chapter and then incorporating the concept into our daily lives.   We would then share our progress during each morning’s run.

This simple task was shockingly difficult.  We found that Agreement #1 “Be Impeccable With Your Word”  was enough to rewrite the foundations of our social, family, and civic interactions.  We found ourselves becoming painfully aware of each conversation, realizing how un-impeccable our words could be.  We quickly backed off, not quite ready to work these profound ways of thinking into our world of diaper changes, family quarrels, job stress, and political angst.

But over the weeks as we continued to run in the early morning hours, mile after mile,  we found that the Agreements kept cropping up in our conversations, like so much unfinished business.  We began to discuss them again, and then it hit us: if we were going to follow the Agreements we would need more time.  And if we were going to commit to a life-changing discipline we would need to be patient with ourselves, allowing for screw-ups along the way.

It is amazing what you can do if you give yourself permission to do it badly at first.   Author Ann Lamott calls this concept in writing the “shitty first draft.”  We decided to try to follow the Four Agreements for an entire year, and to write honestly about the experience.  We agreed that we wouldn’t hold ourselves to perfection, but that the process itself would be illuminating, a little bit crazy, and hopefully even fun. 

And so this blog is our gift to ourselves, and to you.