Friday, July 22, 2011

Laila: No really, it doesn't bother me at all!

As we shifted from strictly focusing on Agreement numero uno: Being Impeccable to Agreement number two: Don’t Take it Personally, I have to admit I was a little smug. Contrary to my fellow blogger, I have professed loudly that I really have no problem taking anything personally, so this one would be a piece of cake.  Indeed.  Then an e-mail landed in my inbox that made me stop and reflect, and I wasn’t too pleased at my initial reaction. So it seems said “piece of cake” has actually turned into humble pie – and so my tale begins….

I receive e-mails from a studio where I completed my Reiki Master training. These e-mails inform me of upcoming events, classes, new hires.  During my training, I had high hopes that were echoed by my instructor, of beginning my practice in the studio when I was all done. But by the time I completed my training, I realized that that particular studio was not the most ideal fit for my personality.  Fortunately for me I never had to deal with turning them down because my practicing there was never brought up again – which at the time was fine.  Maybe they also felt it wasn’t the right fit. 
Then, a few months later, for some strange reason I reconsidered – maybe it was a good venue after all and maybe I was just being weird about the whole thing – so I inquired about it and was told my message would be passed along to my instructor.  I can’t say as to whether or not she received the message, I can say no one ever called me back.  Apparently, there is no way to speak to my former instructor directly unless you have an appointment.  A paying appointment that is (oops, not impeccable).

They say your first instinct is usually the right one, so why is it that after I made that decision not to pursue working there, that I get annoyed when I see their e-mails, as if they rejected me?  One would think I would just unsubscribe, but that would be admitting that I was taking it personally (gasp!).  I believe all things happen for a reason, and if something is meant to be it will work out. But I guess in this case I wanted to be the one to ultimately have the final say, to control things no doubt, and certainly not something anyone practicing Reiki should fixate on – interesting lesson all around. 
I think I will continue to subscribe to their e-mail list, as my little reminder to not take things personally. And my barometer to gauge how evolved I have become will be the day when I can open one of these studio e-mails and exclaim without a hint of sarcasm “I wonder what interesting things they have going on this month?”  We shall see…….

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Liz: Part 2: Don't Take Anything Personally

It's hard to believe we're already more than 3 months into this project.  We started out with the intent to follow the four agreements for a year, focusing on one every three months.  We've been trying to use impeccable words since March.  I have been surprised that there are so many angles to that challenge, so many questions about the way we live arise when we try to speak and think impeccably.

Now, for me, comes an even greater challenge:  Don't take anything personally.  Ruiz writes about this second of the four agreements that no matter what another person does or says to you or about you, it is not  to be taken personally.  This is because, Ruiz argues, everyone is the protagonist in their own drama, the star of their own movie.  We are nothing but secondary characters.  Ruiz says that to take another's actions as personal attacks is to assume that we are more important to their life drama than we actually are.  And taking things personally also inhibits our own ability to live our own lives, and to make decisions based on our own understanding of truth and love.

If ever there was a challenge for me, it is this one.  I take the weather personally, for crying out loud!  If there is a bad mood in a meeting, or a party that isn't fun, I believe it is not only my fault but my responsibility to make it right.  My personality has become larger than life with my continual efforts to arrange circumstances so that everyone I meet will be happy, or at least will like and respect me.  Oh sure, I've learned to speak a hard truth or to make the unpopular decision in my vocation,  but don't think it doesn't tear me up inside.  I recently had to tell a man he was fired from his job and probably would not work in his chosen profession again. I did the job as well as anyone could, but inside I was thinking, "how can I get out of this and still be likeable to this person?  How can I make him smile?"  I realize this is absurd, the desperate thoughts of a person who does not want to dispense consequences (however well deserved) for fear of how she herself will be judged.

This type of thinking is debilitating.  And at its root is the fact that I do, indeed, take nearly everything personally.  It's going to be a long three months, but hopefully, I'll learn some things along the way that bring some relief to my desperation to please.