Honesty: Such a lonely word or impeccable word?

Recently a friend/neighbor of mine hosted her son and his family for 10 days. Now it is my opinion, and my opinion only, that having houseguests for 10 days, regardless if you get along or not, might be a tad taxing on the host. In this particular situation, the hostess and the daughter-in-law had a history of some issues in the “can’t we all just get along” category. Add 3 kids under the age of 4 to the mix and to quote Timon from the Lion King “Disasters in the aiiiiirrrrr…..”

Having young children myself, I arranged to do a few things with DIL and her kiddos to benefit my kids with instant playmates and to benefit my neighbor with some alone time.  During some of the time I spent with DIL and her kids I sensed she was testing the waters, so to speak, to gauge the depth of my friendship with her mother in law. She let a few comments sneak out from time to time, bordering on complaining, but always backed it up with “don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for my in-laws..”  Suuuuuure you are. Oops, was that impeccable?  So anyway the more time I spent with her the more comfortable she felt in venting.  It can be hard to stay happy and upbeat when all that negative crap is flying around you in passive aggressive ways, and at one point I did venture into the realm of unsolicited advice, but I prefaced it with “What really reduces any stress for me surrounding the kids when we visit the in-laws is my philosophy that as long as they are not being put in immediate danger, pretty much anything goes. If Grandma and Grandpa want to spoil them – go for it!”   She actually seemed to consider it for a moment, but feedback later in the week told me otherwise.  Of course all of the frustration during the week between the two probably could have been alleviated by an honest conversation.

I am certainly not here to judge anyone else on their parenting techniques, as mother’s we put enough pressure on ourselves already!  But I do believe in open and honest communication, especially as a way to set an example for your kids. I know from my own experience that it can be painful to consider those honest chats, and the alternative of grinning (or grimacing) and bearing it might seem more attractive in the short term, but then I remember the little faces of my kids as they watch and learn.  They do not miss a gesture, a sigh, or a look.  And since one of my big goals in this experiment is to have all of these agreements become second nature enough that they are effortlessly passed down to the kiddos, I take a deep breath and take that uncomfortable step and attempt to address whatever the situation might be with as much grace (or wine) as I can muster. And in the end, more so then not, I am always happy that I did.