Laila: Well Who Asked You Anyway?

During my impeccable journey, I have begun to be more aware of my listening skills. I have always prided myself on being a good listener (I think it’s even on my resume), but had started to notice during some conversations I was slipping – I was interjecting my thoughts before the person I was talking to was done with their point. I was also offering unsolicited advice, and more often than not that advice had a negative edge to it. And I realized that there was rarely a time when I was having a conversation with someone in which they actually said “What do you think about that?”  I had gotten so used to just assuming that having a conversation with me meant they wanted my opinion that I would just burst out with it, and like I said before, often not even waiting for them to finish their thought because of course what I had to say was so important. One thing I do like about cell phones is that you can’t talk over the other person because if they are talking they can’t hear you.  But I digress. 

So, I started really paying attention to the dynamic of my conversations, phone and in person.  I decided that I would try to be more of an observer of the dialogue and less of a critic or problem solver.  It was very interesting, because I think I was so used to a give and take scenario for the most part that just listening was actually an act of self-control. Especially on a recent call when a relative revealed to me that they were doing something that sent up a red flag right away. It was sooooo hard not to jump all over that with my thoughts and feelings. At first I didn’t, I just did a lot of “hmmm” and “oh-ing” but finally I broke down and said -  “That doesn’t sound like it would be too healthy for you”.  And as soon as it was out, I felt bad. Not because I didn’t mean it, but because I failed in withholding my unsolicited opinion. Is it really that ingrained in me to always have to throw my two cents in, no matter how short a sentence?  It’s hard to think about everything you say, even though that sentence sounds silly as I type it. Why is it hard?  Even under the guise of being helpful, things can come out in a negative way, which can ultimately shadow any worthwhile and positive insight I might have offered.

So to impeccable words and thoughts I add another challenge of impeccable listening, which I think easily goes hand in hand with the other two. I think my first steps in achieving this are to meditate more. Meditation slows my thought process down to a nice mellow level, so I am not so quick to respond (or maybe that’s wine?).  By taking the time to really listen well, I can then limit knee jerk reactions, and instead choose my responses accordingly with truth and love.